Being guarded dating
This specific conversation was about the psychology behind the actions of a “guarded girl.” R was saying that a girl with a tough exterior can be difficult to date because a lazy guy assumes she should be treated as tough as she’s acting and a sensitive guy assumes she’s not into him (that’s a paraphrase. I was saying that a guarded girl is guarded for a very specific reason, at least I know I was.
I’m using the term “guarded girl” here to describe how I used to feel and behave in previous dating situation, not to stereotype a entire group of female or male daters.
Guarded means lots of different things to lots of different people, and it’s rooted in even more different feelings. This type of “guarded” R and I were discussing – aka my former type – exhibits as a girl with a tough exterior – she’s edgy, she dishes it out and she can take it right back, she isn’t overly emotional. But what may seem like a personality type or act is actually more like a defense mechanism used to protect against getting hurt.
If they feel that illusive chemistry, they are so quick to open up before taking the much needed time to actually get to know someone. Any time he or she makes the effort to be transparent with you, make sure you convey how much you appreciate it. It’s not realistic or fair to expect anyone to immediately move from closed to totally open. R and I were having a conversation on the hike down from Runyon Canyon about the way I used to approach dating prior to our meeting.R likes to talk about this because it’s a confidence-boosting reminder that the way I dated other people prior to meeting him was bad/wrong/ridiculous.